I just need to say that you convey depression beautifully. It's an ugly thing sometimes. I'm always going to be depressed, but I've found ways to cope when things get bad. Kudos to you! Keep up the fight, because you are winning. Also, I want to say how awesome it is that you are stepping up to help someone else in need. Thank you for that. Because of people like you, we will never be alone.
If you took 60-70% of the bad things a person can be and put them in a container, the label would have my name on it.
Which is why I finally gave up trying to change, it's just not going to happen. I lost the war, the darkness won. Only form of winning I have now is a twisted, warped version of it. Taking meds didn't do a thing, therapy didn't do a thing, nothing does. It's over, I failed. I'm too far gone, don't try to save me, I'm not worth it...
If you open the book of life to your page, you'll find you, period. So whatever and whoever you are is exactly right. It's you. That doesn't mean you can't change things about yourself you don't like, but it means that you have no one to measure up to but yourself.